Memory of Prayer
Memory of Prayer
By Rina Shamilov
the maroon air- pieces remind me of an imagination
i once had of a prayer:
like wine spilling from fountains
pouring into my palms
in rotating hand parts--
robotic
as the cheery rains when calling
to command the weather;
you remember how it feels to touch me, don't you?
your flaws molded a memory imprint in my knees
every time you kicked in
like an aborting fetus
my mouth gapes like a flower,
burgeoning with every bloom
do you remember folding your skin into mine?
the buzzing of the moonlight stiffens
my ear into waxy static
tapering the insides of my lips shut
do you think it's time for us to go?
we plucked stars from the sky's gardens
holding them open
in our porous hands
that folded like velvet in the night:
i remember brushing my bones against yours
i was scared of forgeting your memory.
I absolutely loved this poem. It made me emotional and I connected to it a lot. The first stanza was a little confusing for me just because of how the lines are broken up. Other than that though, this was so moving and powerful to read. 11/10
ReplyDeletewow i love this poem and theres this sense of mystery here I love so much. The italicized lines strike me in a way I can't explain. The second to last stanza really stands out where you say
ReplyDeletewe plucked stars from the sky's gardens
holding them open
in our porous hands
that folded like velvet in the night:
i remember brushing my bones against yours
I love the way you recall a memory here while in a moment, very cool and poetic. One tiny suggestion I would make is in the first stanza when you say
the maroon air- pieces remind me of an imagination I would suggest you remove the here and begin with maroon, a powerful image
i once had of a prayer:
like wine spilling from fountains
Here I would suggest removing like and just going straight into what you see
pouring into my palms
in rotating hand parts--
Rotating hands parts here sounds more flowy to me if that makes sense
robotic
as the cheery rains when calling
Here maybe remove the and do As cherry rains when calling
to command the weather;
Then here do Commanding the weather.
I loved this poem so so much Rina I just saw how the opening stanza could be stronger, but great job!!
I really like this poem! I think you have such amazing alliteration throughout which really makes it flow and there is such powerful imagery. I love how you alternate speakers which gives this added dimension and depth. Really amazing work!
ReplyDelete