Beloved of the soul, father of compassion
Yedid Nefesh, Av Harachamam
Beloved of the soul, father of compassion
Papa lazily hummed along to the words of Kiddush, then turned up
The television to hear the Russian news
Meshokh ‘Avddekha el Retzonekha
Draw up Your servant to Your will
He told us to stand up for the hand-washing ritual,
Met with a host of groans
“Do we have to?” Mama asked
Yarutz ‘Avddekha Kk'mo Ayyal
Your servant will hurry like a hart
“Get me some water, Rina.”
He never thanked me. Sometimes I wish I told him
To get it himself
An experiment with words
That I would pour into his cup instead of water
Yishttaḥave Mul Hadarekha,
To Bow Before Your Majesty;
“Rina, he’s your father. He’s a good guy.”
I tell Mom to stop defending him all of the damn time
She hated when I called her anything but Mommy
Kee Ye'erav lo Yedidotekha,
To Him, Your friendship Will Be Sweeter
When I was little, Papa and I were best friends;
Sometimes he talks to the walls & pretends it’s me
Minofet Tzuf V’khol Ta'am
Than the Dripping of the Honeycomb and any Taste
His grey hair slivered around his sickness
& I will cry the hardest at his funeral
I was expecting Papa to go since I was a little girl.
This poem has so much going on with it, and it's best moments reach high. This is the one I wanted to discuss before your email. Here you always show rather than just tell. Like your other recent poems, the scene is dramatically set. Part of why this works is because of how well you locate the reader in your poem. You have a strong sense of setting.
ReplyDeleteThe saddest and most moving part for me is here:
When I was little, Papa and I were best friends;
Sometimes he talks to the walls & pretends it’s me
The second stanza will inevitably call to mind the current situation in Ukraine. Do you want that? Might be a distraction in this case.
I don't understand the ending of this stanza:
“Get me some water, Rina.”
He never thanked me. Sometimes I wish I told him
To get it himself
An experiment with words;
That I would pour into his cup instead of water
I am having trouble understanding what is meant by an experiment with words that is poured into a cup. I'm having trouble knowing what to do with the semi-colon in the penultimate line--why you punctuate that line but not others and to what end.
Another part that I find quite powerful is this:
I tell Mom to stop defending him all of the damn time
She hated when I called her anything but Mommy
That's shockingly good. I love how you portray the way a mother can infantilize a child, insisting on perpetuating youth in people who have outgrown it. Love it.
This is heart wrenching. You have such a talent of telling a story with such a short amount of words. I feel how exhausted the narrator is and how conflicted they are - they love their dad but they're tired of his BS. They hate to deal with him but will be devastated when his time comes. The internal conflict is palpable.
ReplyDeleteThe only suggestion I'd have is to make it longer! I want more to the story!
this is so cool and different from what I normally see. Love the dialogue and the way you present it. This is a sad story, but you write it beautifully which I admire deeply. My favorite part is
ReplyDelete“Get me some water, Rina.”
He never thanked me. Sometimes I wish I told him
To get it himself
An experiment with words;
That I would pour into his cup instead of water
I love how you turn this moment into reflection. Sometimes people demand things and I love how you ponder wishing to be sassy and say do it yourself. But then you add more light to it by saying that you would place those words inside the cup, you make words literally flow here and it's so cool. I wish I had a suggestion and maybe I will find one, but this poem is actually so perfect. Guess I'm with Erica here, give us more of this art!!
Woah. I felt like I was watching a movie when I read this. I was completely enraptured. I want to know more of what was happening.
ReplyDelete