Gde ti? Where are you?

sometimes I see her when I look at you

mother, daughter, niece, 

lover, wife, granddaughter 

one shade of hair for the same face

carved into my memory like 

a crinkled smile

your hair flows through your Papa,

flows through me

bleeding as brightly as the scorching sun

one wave of tapestry weaved into the next

your little nose curls downwards like your Papa's

do you see me when you look in the mirror?

I bathed you once when you were a little girl

your small legs flailed like twigs in the winter

you turned blue for a moment, submerged

under the waters where you almost died

but I did not want to lose you again, Rina

No, I could never lose you but somehow 

I always did every time you smiled 

at me with those same eyes and lips

as all the women I'd ever known

I loved you before I lost my memory

when you were newly born

your small hairs glowed red 

in the sunlight just as your Papa's had

when he was your age

I saw you in my first wife, in my second

in my daughter's frozen face, in her grandmother's

in my mother's greying eyes, in her mother's

I see you in your father, it scares me

as it scares your Mama, but all along

I see she has to be right

I see you in these static walls 

but I cannot find you anywhere

Gde ti, moya devochka?